Episode 3: Child’s Pose

In the third episode of The Latest, we look at Spider Man, Star Wars, and other things adult men won’t give up. We’re also joined by an actual attorney for this week’s O.J. Simpson Twitter Update.

The Latest with Greg Ott
Episode 3: Child’s Pose
/

Transcript

Those voices are discussing a contract dispute with Sony, leading Disney to claim it won’t be making any new Spider Man films. It’s bad news for Tom Holland, the current star of Spider Man movies, but it makes no difference to Tobey Maguire, who’s not starring in any movies. 

Most of all, this dispute is a devastating blow to Spider Man fans, who won’t be able to enjoy their favorite character anymore. From now on, I’m sorry to report he’ll only be available in thousands of Spider Man comic books, hundreds of Spider Man TV episodes, dozens of other Spider Man films, Spider Man roller coasters, Spider Man merchandise, or the original soundtrack to the Spider Man Broadway musical, which features a song called “Spider Man.” 

The dispute with Sony also means there may not be any Spider Man video games for the foreseeable future, leading some to call for a complete and total boycott of Playstation. If these same people start boycotting Mountain Dew and assault rifles, we might start to make a dent in ending white nationalism. 

This news comes as Disney revealed its full plans for Disney+, a new streaming service that makes it easier to cut the cord from one cable company by signing up to watch videos from ten separate companies. 

I, for one, will not be signing up for  Disney+ because I won’t be because I’m not a child. Now, don’t get me wrong: I think it’s going to be great for families so they can explain to their kids why they turned the cute animation into The Lion King into the disgustingly detailed computer animation of The Lion King.

But a significant number of people excited to shell out money for Disney+ are grown men who continue obsessing over the same pop culture “brands” that they’ve been obsessing over since they themselves were a young registerred trademark. 

One of the marquee series on Disney+ is a new Star Wars TV show, meant to scratch the itch of fantasy fans who still haven’t gotten enough Star Wars out of a dozen Star Wars movies, Star Wars cartoons, Star Wars comic books, Star Wars novels, Star Wars graphic novels, Star Wars video games, and Star Wars toys. There’s even an authentic Star Wars fragrance, which just so happens to include a bacon double stack and an order of french fries.

Many of these adult fans claim they simply share their love of Star Wars with their children, bonding over timeless characters like wise frogs and alcoholic aliens. 

But the love isn’t reciprocal: attendance at Disney’s brand-new Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge theme park is has reportedly fallen short of expectations, because — get this — today’s kids are more into things today’s kids are into, like Fortnite and bulletproof backpacks. 

It doesn’t suprise me that kids aren’t interested in a movie that was popular when Jimmy Carter was President. But that’s nostalgia — we can’t let go of what’s familiar and take comfort in whatever logo we already recognize. Why risk eating a meal at a strange restaurant when you already know you what you’ll get at the Cheesecake Factory — a stomach ache. 

Now, look — I’m getting worked up over something people like very much. I get that.  But when a lot of these same people complain about not wanting society to be dragged back to a time when things were supposedly better, you’re not making much of a case for change when you selectively cling to things from the past.

Do not get me wrong: enjoying pop culture is fun and can be a great a form of escapism. I’d be willing to bet more people could name nine of the Avengers before they could name four Supreme Court Justices. But I can’t wrap my head around the energy it takes to protest and whine about robots from the 1970s.

I tried getting into vinyl, and sure, a few of my favorite albums are sitting on a shelf. But when I want to listen to music, I throw on my AirPods and stream something because it’s a hell of a lot easier to live in the present .

You know what sounds like a great movie? NASA investigating the first ever crime in space, a case of identity theft carried out by a lesbian astronaut going through a divorce who hacked her ex-wife’s bank account aboard the International Space Station to make sure there was enough money for child support.

I didn’t just make that up: it’s real, it happened last week, and it’s a hell of a lot more interesting than watching a some robots crawling around in the sand or some red guy shooting goo all over skyscrapers for the thousandth time.