Transcript
Those voices are discussing the start of Daylight Saving Time, the date in which you wake up pissed off at noon, thinking it was 11, because you were hoping to sleep in until 1, which is now noon.
The transition away from standard time marks a bigger waste of an hour than an episode of “The Walking Dead.”
Daylight Saving Time came about in the late 1800s, a quaint period that brought us the automobile, anesthesia, and Johnny Depp’s facial hair.
The shift was originally proposed in 1895 by entomologist George Hudson, who wanted more time to accumulate insects, not unlike a McDonalds that’s open late.
The first official Daylight Saving Time policy was introduced in Germany in 1916 to save energy during World War I; presumably, so they’d be able to use it during World War II.
Clocks began moving forward in the United States about 100 years ago, which, based on our modern news cycle, means it started in January and we’ve already forgot.
Let me pause right here and say yes, I know this is not a particularly important or even particularly interesting story.
The democratic primaries seem to be settling on a restaurant for the early bird special, there’s a new Bon Jovi album coming out in May, and people around the world are dropping like flies thanks to a virus that’s spreading like a TikTok video.
But Daylight Saving Time drives me crazy because I am not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. If you catch me around 5 or 6 in the evening, I might be okay.
I have trouble falling asleep, and I have trouble waking up. Daylight saving time makes it worse, and instead of being 45 minutes late to work, I’m late an hour. And the only way to make up for it is to leave early.
The time change has even been linked to car accidents, workplace injuries, heart attacks, miscarriages, and the clock on my microwave being inaccurate.
It’s my least favorite week of the year — it’s even worse than that week between Christmas and New Year’s, where you’re out of vacation days and you have to kind of pretend to work on, like, a Tuesday and a Friday.
Countries like China and India don’t observe daylight saving time at all, and in other countries around the world, it remains just as unpopular as the Don Jr. sex tape.
34 states want to make daylight saving time permanent, with the other 16 presumably holding out because they want their clock to be able to own a gun.
This isn’t a campaign-defining issue, but I hope we’ll get rid of this minor annoyance at some point in the future. In a country that loves clinging to the past, why is this the one issue where you insist on moving us forward?